Today I feel old. My back hurts from unpacking boxes at my son's house. My left hand has arthritis and it throbs from too much golf, as do my elbows. My feet hurt from running and my knees hurt from too many deep squats. The wind has been blowing for days and my allergies are insane. I get headaches from the dust blowing around and that makes me nauseous. I hurt! And, that makes me cranky.
I think of my Mom as she was aging and I can so relate to her. She would continue to fix huge meals for our Holiday gatherings, and at the end of the day, she would be exhausted. She would say, "I am not as young as I used to be." And there it is, I am not as young as I used to be, but most days I don't feel this old either.
And it is not just the aches that bother me. I worry about my mind. I go into rooms and once I get there, I struggle to remember why I am there. It happens more that I would like. I am always on the go and thinking of lots of things so I give myself the benefit of the doubt... I just have too much in my head....But, Mom and Dad both had some dementia... I think Mom more than Dad. Maybe I just noticed it more because she lived me the last few years of her life. At any rate, it is a scary thing to think your mind is diminishing. I have put things away just knowing that I would remember where I put them when the time would come that I would need them. Nope, that is a falsehood also. Maybe I just need to be more focused as I am doing things... But I have never been focused....I have always been scattered. In fact, Vic told me once that I was the most organized, unorganized person she knew. (and that is another post)
So, that is that today. I will hope for a better tomorrow.
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